This blog is for anyone who understands the title! AKA anyone that has been for smear test before. Specifically anyone who, like me, has perhaps not had the best of experiences and is pretty anxious about their next test.

We all know that it’s important to get these tests…(okay I just googled some stats to add in and noooooooo, those won’t help the anxiety so the only one I’m going to share is this:) “99.8% of cervical cancer cases are preventable” so the tests are quite literally life saving procedures.

BUT…and yes, unfortunately there is a very valid “but” for some of us…it can be, a pretty rough experience and one we may be struggling to face up to.

I know it’s not exactly a fun day out for anyone and most do manage fine, perhaps a little discomfort, some standard awkwardness around the fact you are dressed, as Suzi Ruffell describes in her Live at the Apollo routine on smear tests as, “a bit like Winnie the Pooh” but otherwise something they can manage and move on from pretty easily.

However for others it can be really tough to know what to do. You know you should get tested, you know you want to get tested but you also know how it feels for you and you aren’t sure if you can face it again.

You may have also tried talking to others about it and been told the old and oh so helpful “oh it’s just a minute, you can manage”, “it’s fine, no big deal” blah blah blah……..brilliant.

Pain can be part of if for some but for others it can be the invasiveness of the experience. I myself have had panic attacks during two smear tests, including one time where the nurse had to abandon the procedure altogether, give me a hug (whilst I was full winnie the pooh) and reassure me I was going to be okay and wasn’t a complete failure of a woman because I couldn’t do this.

So do I have anything useful or helpful to share? Well, I think I do.

Having talked to various nurses and my GP as well as growing in confidence in advocating for myself, I’ve learnt a lot and now have several options available to me which has made the whole thing feel much more manageable. Here’s what I’ve learnt, I hope it helps you:

1. You are most definitely not alone. I’ve spoken to several nurses who perform smears and they have all reassured me that yes while most people are fine, there are lots of people like me who struggle.

2. Talking to nurses and/or your GP about how you feel and past experiences is a really worthwhile thing to do and can lead to you working together to have a plan in place that works for you.

3. You do not need to get your smear on the same day you talk about it. It’s absolutely legitimate to have a seperate discussion ahead of booking your smear to talk through and plan things out.

4. You can have someone come in with you, sit with you, hold your hand and even speak for you if you are unable to in the moment.

5. You may have the option to take something like diazepam ahead of your appointment to help you relax and reduce stress. Of course that will mean you cannot drive yourself there or back from your appointment so plan accordingly.

6. You can let the nurse know anything in particular that might help, perhaps you want them to talk you through everything as it happens, or perhaps you want silence. Maybe you want a signal you can use to let them know when something hurts or you want them to stop.

7. You can stop. At any point. You can stop.

8. You can rearrange your appointment. You can go along, talk and then decide that today isn’t the day. My nurse told me straight up, if you don’t feel it’s the right day, let’s just reschedule.

9. You can delay - now I know, that’s controversial but I do mean talk to your nurse about it to see if that’s an option for you. If there is something overwhelmingly stressful in your life right now and you simply cannot cope with this as well, arranging a slightly later date (I’m not recommending years or anything) could mean it doesn’t become a traumatic event for you. That was a situation I was in. The end of a major relationship, money worries all over the place and health issues were already tipping me over the edge, a smear was just not going to happen. The nurse looked at my medical history, understood what I was going through and reassured me the best thing for me right then was to leave it for a couple of months, focus on everything else and then make another appointment to try again. The relief in knowing that was okay helped massively.

10. And finally, did you know you can ask to insert the speculum yourself?! Who knew! For some having the control over when and how that happens is a real game changer.

And in general, trust yourself and have the confidence to speak up about what concerns you and what you believe will help, after all, it’s your body. I promise you, the nurses only want to help you manage this and have definitely heard it all before and will probably have ideas or solutions you had never even thought about.

I hope this helps and don’t forget……heels together, knees apart!